The Ceremony: A Healing Practice to Stand the Test of Time and Trauma

     Recently, Children in Bloom was invited for an interview with Seattle's Child — an online guide for families living in the city. The author created a piece with information and suggestions regarding how parents can approach the topic of ICE with their children. Deep concerns around this topic had been coming up frequently in our coaching calls and Real-Time Self Care course. We recognized a need to establish tools to empower parents in the face of the fears coming up for them. Amelia gave an interview in which she shared a practice tool we believe will be powerful for some families. The tool was referenced briefly in the article. We've shared the tool in its entirety below.

At the heart of this practice is a shared experience — one that naturally elicits the flow of the body's own healing chemistry (feel-good hormones such as oxytocin and serotonin), resulting in a range of warm, rich, nourishing emotions. For children who have or might experience trauma, felt safety is built slowly and gently, through repeated moments of co-regulation while in connection with their parent(s). It is precisely this neurobiological foundation that allows the intended outcome to take root.

Steps of The Ceremony:

The process begins by setting aside a special time for the child and parent to be together. While sitting side by side, or in any arrangement that feels relaxing and intimate, they each share about a favorite flower (or special item of their choice) and name its special features, such as color, fragrance, shape, and size. Everything wonderful about the flower gets mentioned. They can do this before or while they draw, paint, sculpt (you name it) or plant their flowers together. Next, they establish a place of honor, such as an altar, a mantle, a cozy corner, or an outdoor space where the family gathers in relaxation and togetherness.

An alternative or additional option is to choose a beloved song. In the same cozy setting, the child and parent select the song together, singing or reading the lyrics aloud. They then spend some time relating to the words, exploring which lyrics remind them of their love, their relationship, or some cherished aspect of their life together. Next, they sing their song together in the place of honor, perhaps with a candle burning, the flower resting in a vase, or a framed picture of the flower nearby.

The flowers, pictures, and songs have become imbued with the goodness of the shared experience.

With these fundamental steps of the process having put what is needed lovingly in place, they are ready to begin using The Ceremony tool as a self-soothing practice during times of separation, such as when the child is at school, or the parent is away from home.

If they have chosen a flower, they will visualize sending the flower to one another. If they chose a song, they can sing the song for themselves. When they're next together, perhaps in the chosen place of honor, the parent and child can talk about how they used the practice that day, and how it made them feel. The feelings shared are held with tenderness and understanding. Positive feelings that were felt with the practice enhance the tool. If sadness, fear or anger came forward, there is an opportunity to be in the safety of connection while the feelings are expressed and processed. This also enriches the tool.

The family can sing the song or burn the candle in the place of honor once every day, or every week — whatever feels good — to nurture their connection and allow the practice to become an aspect of their personal family culture and self-care.

For some, possibly many, this practice will facilitate healing. Should a long term or permanent separation occur, the child and parent have a shared ritual that nourishes and honors the love they have for one another in the face of trauma, across space, and throughout time. Moments of peace result from knowing that, no matter where they are, as one is benefiting from the practice of their ritual, the other is doing the same.

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We know many families have already been harmed by the impact of ICE. Whether you have had a direct experience or not, to receive support for your family, schedule a 30-minute consultation with Amelia or Betty by going to our booking page.  (You will see a free option for this consultation on the page).